me: *seductively runs hand through hair*
me: *seductively gets hand caught in huge knot*
me at the beginning of the semester: i'm gonna live, i'm gonna fly
me now: i'm gonna fail, i'm gonna die
switching on your computer before you make yourself food so by the time you come back your computer is turned on and waiting for you like a naked lover
queenacrossthewaters:
when you click a button you didnt mean to click so you just kinda hold the click and drag your cursor around hoping it doesnt click
me: *seductively runs hand through hair*
me: *seductively gets hand caught in huge knot*
dickspeightjr:
don’t give me choices because i will get overwhelmed and cry
mophead-styles:
sorry can’t hang out today, mom said no
someone: what's your favorite movie
me: forgets every movie i've ever seen
me: *doesn't party*
me: *doesn't drink*
me: *doesn't sleep around*
me: *doesn't get knocked up*
me: *stays up past 1am; maybe goes downstairs to make a sandwich or something*
parents: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU WHY ARE YOU UP SO LATE DID WE TEACH YOU NOTHING WHERE DID WE GO WRONG YOU'VE WOKEN UP THE WHOLE HOUSE YOU HIDEOUS DEVIL CHILD YOU'RE DESTROYING THIS FAMILY
takenby-instagrandma:
why fall in love when you can just fall asleep
if a character is sarcastic there’s a 135% chance i’ll love them
w-for-wumbo:
hahaharuka:
if you are flirting with me please put [I AM FLIRTING WITH YOU] at the end of every sentence because i am dumb and i don’t understand when people are nice and when people are flirting thank u this has been a psa
alternative:
<flirting> Hello. </flirting>
Expectations: Using the person next to you as a pillow.
Reality: Using the pillow next to you as a person.
in my head: constructs witty and insightful answers to interview questions for when I'm famous
ordering at a restaurant: please i the soup want
